Like milk gone bad

There have been a few sequels where producers have let things go on WAY too long before they shoot another one. Now usually a sequel is dependant on the original film doing well. Most times a sequel is made within two or three years. But not all the time. I think there should be some kind of cut off where it's too late to make a sequel. Let's take a look at some films that had some huge gaps in between.

Major League 1 (1989) Major League 2 (1994)

Major League is one of the most under-rated sports films ever. Granted it's not a classic by any means, but all of the characters are original and funny. However, when Major League 2 came out things seemed a little different. For starters, Charlie Sheen (aka Carlos Irwin Estevez) had put on about ten to fifteen pounds, Tom Berenger went from having curly brown locks to lots more salt and pepper up top. Plus in his face it looks like they peeled him out of a gutter after a bender, threw some jeans and a blazer on him and told him recapture the magic of "Jake Taylor". Problem is he went from looking 38 in ML 1 to 58 in ML2. Plus they had to replace Wesley Snipes in the second one with Omar Epps. I like Omar Epps, but it's too bad that the character of Willie Mayes Hayes went from a guy in his 30's to a guy who looks like he is about to finish his senior year at high school.
The owner of the team Rachel Phelps also has aged noticeably and for some reason they decided to film it at Camden Yards in Baltimore (movie is supposed to take place in Cleveland) and they just hang two banners in the closeup outfield shots that read "Cleveland Stadium" to make it look 'authentic' and fool you.
Genius.

Back To The Future 1 (1985) Back To The Future 2 (1989)
Back to the future is the greatest movie ever made. I think I have made this clear to anyone who knows me. Sure the ride at Universal Studios is violent, and makes you sick but I digress. Four years for a sequel isn't too bad, but it's pushing it. Sure Marty doesn't look like an 18 year old anymore, but I can let that slide. But they replaced the original Jennifer with Elizabeth Shue. Elizabeth Shue with red hair doesn't work for me. I love Shue, I do! But only with blond hair. Plus they had to write out George McFly because he wanted Noah's Ark. Instead of it filled with animals, he wanted it full of cold hard cash which he never got. It's a shame because he was such a kick ass character and so important in the first one.

Basic Instinct (1992) Basic Instinct 2 (2006)
What's the difference? Sharon Stone at 34 and Sharon Stone at 48...nuff said.
Sure she still looks hot for a 48 year old, but makeup, lighting, cgi, holy water and body doubles can make anyone look good.

Even this guy

The Hulkster is in big trouble...like '91 Survivor Series Undertaker Trouble

It hasn't been a good past few months for the "Immortal" Hulk Hogan. His grill sales have been mediocre... maybe because they start smoking when you plug them in for the first time.Then his son was involved in a major traffic accident which left a friend of his brain dead, and to top it all off his wife filed for divorce from him earlier this week.

Now comes some very un-hoganesque allegations that Hogan supplied his son and his buddies with alcohol right before the car crash occurred.

Man, I have seen Hogan in tough spots before (IE-Wrestlemania IV vs Randy Savage) but this looks bad. It's bitter irony for Hogan because all the vitamins he took and prayers he said won't do him much good in jail. If the Ultimate Warrior is the prosecutor in this case then Hogan is fucked...

Garth Brooks Divided by 3=A man who can handle most situations

I am indifferent when it comes to Garth Brooks. He seems like an ok guy I suppose. He has had a very successful recording career. (In fact, in the United States he is second only to the Beatles in record sales all time)Hell when I hear "Thunder Rolls" I will sing along with chorus and kinda not feel bad about it.

But what I admire most about Brooks is the fact he was that he attempted to become a baseball player and had an alter ego. How many other guys can claim to be a pseudo-ball player, a hit country artist, and a fictional lovechild of an Olympic Australian swimmer? Yeah not too many.

That being said I have generated several random situations in which I think aloud which 1/3 of Garth Brooks would be suited for the situation and why.


Going to the movies (pick 1/3 Garth Brooks as Chris Gaines)Usually those weird, quiet disturbed guys have seen a lot of great movies that are a bit obscure to most movie watchers. Plus he would be quiet during the entire thing because he is depressed so he wouldn`t ask you retarded questions during the movie like `What`s a NubianÉ`

Organizing and having a bbq (pick 1é3 Garth Brooks as Garth Brooks)

Whenever I think of country music fans I think of shotgun weddings, branding cattle, the guy in the simpsons who tried moving the Springfield Isotopes to Albuquerque, New Mexico and artery clogging steaks. So what better guy to help with a bbq than the living legend of country music himself Garth Brooks. For some reason I think Garth Brooks just kills on the bbq, plus after everyone finished their meal, Garth could do a couple country covers like Kenny Rogers `The Gambler` or NWA`s `Cop Killer`. (believe me it sounds awesome on banjo and stand up bass)

Confronting a bully (pick 1é3 Garth Brooks as Baseball Player Garth)
Confronting a bully is never an easy situation. You have to be disciplined, patient, smart, and instinctive. These are all traits one needs to make it as a major league ball player. Plus if shit does go down, and the bully wants to have a throw down, what do you think that pansy ass Chris Gaines or country singer Garth Brooks is going to put up much of a fightÉ HELL NO! You need someone with aggression and a competitive spirit to counter attack with. It`s a no brainer here, baseball player Garth Brooks all the way.

Setting up an alibi after accidentally killing my girlfriends rabbit (pick 1é3 Garth Brooks as Garth Brooks)
Ironically this exact situation has happened to me three times. When you kill your gf`s pet she thinks you`re `irresponsible.` And while that may be true to an extent, you still have the option to lie your face off, get out of it and collect some condolence sex. Anyways, no one believed in Chris Gaines and the San Diego Padres never believed in baseball player Garth Brooks. When you set up an alibi you need to know it`s rock solid through and through. If you say `Honey I was playing skeet ball with Garth Brooks the country singer all day` you know she aient even gonna follow up on that! Country folk are true to their word and dont lie. But if you say `I was playing shuffleboard with Chris Gaines all day` your ass is hers cause she knows you`re lying, and you can forget about topless eggo`s the next morning because your ass will be digging the hole for `Connor Cottontail` out back.

Hustling a few kids for twenty bucks over a game of Guitar Hero II (pick 1é3 Garth Brooks as baseball player Garth)

You would think that I would choose Country Singer Garth Brooks for this situation but no I didn`t and here`s why. First from what people say, it`s actually a detriment if you play guitar and try to play guitar hero. For some reason the skills of playing an actual guitar don`t always translate over to playing a plastic one with buttons instead of strings. What you need to be successful in Guitar Hero is solid eyeéhand co ordination and the competitive desire of a lion`s heart on steroids. Again these skills lend themselves to being a ball player. Granted Garth Brooks baseball player never made it out of spring training, but you catch my drift rightÉ

Picking out a tattoo design (pick 1é3 Garth Brooks as Chris Gaines)

I dunno...lots of weird people have crazy and awesome tattoos. Not that I`m generalizing...

He won two world series, and when he wasn't doing that he was winning your imagination over as a fictional lawyer

I was kind of surprised today when I found out that ex Toronto Blue Jays manager Cito Gaston was also a television actor on the hit Canadian show "Street Legal". Now I think "Cito" is a great name so why he wouldn't choose to use this as his "performer name" is beyond me, but apparently he went by Anthony Sherwood.

Just doesn't have the same ring to it. If you don't believe me, check him out here.

How Jerry locked up Rebecca to a "long term deal"

Notice in this photo how Jerry O'Connell looks slightly confused. It's almost like he is saying "How did I get her?"
That's basically the same conclusion all heterosexual males came to when they found out O COnnell somehow married Rebecca Romaijn this past summer.

I have my "theories" as to how to O' Connell pulled this off, and this is the best I could come up with.

Setting (outside an LA restaurant during lunch)

Rebecca-"No Jerry, I won't marry you."

Jerry-"But Rebecca, I will do anything for love. I love you so much I am capable of doing anything!"

Rebecca-"Anything?"

Jerry-"ANYTHING!"

Rebecca-(pauses for a moment) "Ok, if you can chase this black van while wearing an outfit conisisting of tapered black jeans and a stonewashed denim shirt while FLYING, then I will marry you" (Rebecca laughs quietly to herself thinking she has asked Jerry to do the impossible)

Jerry-"PIECE OF CAKE!!"

Moments later....

Rebecca cries in shock and disbelief...

Jerry-"Do you want to go with rack of lamb or lobster bisc as the meal for our reception?"

Chris Owen (aka the Sherminator) is the fountain of youth...(Luke Perry oficially in search of new title.)

I was flipping through the movie network today and I stumbled across National Lampoon's "Dorm Daze 2". I noticed that dude from like every teen movie was also in this movie.

I tried thinking of how long this guy has been a "teen" or "college student" so I IMDB'd him.

His first role as a teen I can remember was in the horribly awesome movie "Angus" in 1995.

Since then he has gone onto do such films as:

Can't Hardly Wait (1998)
She's All That (1999)
American Pie (1999)
Ready to Rumble (2000)
American Pie 2 (2001)
Van Wilder (2002)
A Mid Summer's Night Rave (2002)
National Lampoon's "Lady Killers" (2003)
National Lampoon's Dorm Daze (2003)
American Pie's Band Camp (2005)
National Lampoon's "Dorm Daze 2" (2006)

So by my count that's a solid eleven years as playing a teenager or college student. At this point I just kind of want to see how many times he can still get such roles.
I say he still has a few years left in him, or as long as National Lampoon or The American Pie franchise is still kicking.

He should totally hit up "Preppy" for a loan

I know this news is over a year and a halfold, but I just found out about it today. I can't believe this wasn't the headline all across the universe!

First he strikes out with Lisa Turtle and now this....

This is the guy who fights terrorism right?

I always thought Kiefer Sutherland's best work was in 'Stand By Me' when he played Ace Merrill.

I stand corrected.

American Gangster...save it for a rental

I saw American Gangster last night. I was really geeked to see it, but in the final analysis I don't think it lived up to people's expectations.

When you have guys like Russell Crowe and Denzel Washington, it's natural to expect big things. But it never happened...I was waiting for it and waiting for it...nothing.

While watching Denzel I just felt like it was deja vu.Like he's a great, proven, consistent actor, but his style and demeanor is the same in virtually every movie. American Gangster was no exception, even though he was good in it, his performance certainly didn't blow you away. The supporting cast was pretty weak and left the top two guys to completely carry the movie.

It was a typical mob/gangster movie and to be honest I wouldn't even have it in my top five mob movies. Pretty average from beginning to end.

Some good points about the movie though:

-Cuba Gooding Jr. as a badass street thug. He still hasn't recovered fully from 'Boat Trip'(shudder)

-Russell Crowe wearing a wide variety of Hawaiian shirts

-Killer soundtrack and wardrobe

So yeah, pretty short today, but save American Gangster for rental, it's worth it on rental, not seeing it at the cinema.

The black sitcom is about to go the way of the T-Rex

Caught an episode of 'Fresh Prince' this afternoon after work. I got to start thinking, where are all the black sitcoms now?

Now I know 'Everyone Hates Chris' has been/is very successful, but it's on the CW Network aka TV purgatory. But in recent memory, what successful black sitcom comes to mind? My Wife and Kids? The Bernie Mac Show? I was seriously drawing a complete blank! I will be the first to say I don't watch much tv as it is, so I decided to wikipedia this to see how out of touch I was. These are the sitcoms it listed:

2000s
All of Us
The Bernie Mac Show
The Boondocks
Cuts
Eve
Everybody Hates Chris
Fatherhood
Girlfriends
Half & Half
Hey Monie
Whoopi
Love, Inc.
Moesha
My Wife and Kids
One on One
The Parkers
The Proud Family
Romeo!
That's So Raven
The Tracy Morgan Show
Noah's Arc
House of Payne
The Game
Second Time Around

*credit wikipedia

I wasn't crazy or out of touch! Has anyone even heard of any of these sitcoms? Sufficed to say I reckon a lot of these shows were probably born and killed on CW 'senior' aka the WB Network.

Now take those sitcoms and compare the black sitcoms of yesteryear. Here are just a few:

Good Times
Fresh Prince of Bel Air
Martin
The Jeffersons
The Cosby Show
The Jamie Foxx Show
Different Strokes
Sanford and Son

So what the hell happened? I really have no idea!
But I really hope the black sitcom does make a comeback, but alas I guess I will settle for CAVEMEN instead.

"Cage" match cancelled:Ghostrider 2 Greenlit, Nicolas finds 'Tombstone' Pizzas for 1/2 price

Nic Cage was recently in reports to star in the independant movie "The Wrestler". The film is about a washed up wrestler who decides to get back in the ring. Darren Aronofsky is slated to direct the picture.

However, Cage has dropped out and the word has it that Mickey Rourke is now set to inherit the lead role.

This may be somewhat of a blessing in disguise for people associated with the film. Let's face it, the visual scars of "Ghostrider" still haven't healed, plus having Mickey Rourke in this film would be a classic example of art imitating life. Washed up wrestler returns to squared circle, washed up actor returns to getting a paycheque...

Plus Mick, I would say has quite a plethora of experience over Cage when it comes to getting his ass kicked. (box office numbers for 'Bringing out the dead' aside)

Either way, I am excited for this film and Mickey Roruke kicked ass in 'Diner'.

A voice of reason returns

Wow...they still have the internet on computers? This is messed up!Being 2007 and all I thought the internet would be obsolete like the Delorean or PlayStation 3. But much like the Friday the 13th Franchise it has stood the test of time, and played a major role in our society today.

I have been outta the blogging game for quite some time now, but I figured now is as good as any a time to jump right back into it.

Being overseas for a year I missed a lot of shit that came out from mid 06 to mid 07. But I am slowly getting reacquainted with movies I missed from last year. (Just got finished with Little Miss Sunshine...great film)

That being said, what did I miss? What should my entertainment "to do"list look like? This is where I need your help! It's my style to be one year behind everything.(I just bought my first 'walkman' the other day along with the cassette by an up and coming group called 'HueyLewis and The News'. Let's just say if their 'news' is as powerful as their lyrical stylings, I will be catching the headlines a lot more often.)

But I digress...

So some shows I want to check out
-Flight of the Concords
-Heroes
-Californication

Films
-Last King of Scotland
-Babel
-Blood Diamond
-The Illusionist
-Stop, or my Mom will shoot!

I have however been a documentary tear as of late, while trying to catch up on some recommendations from friends. Too many to name, but I must give props to:

-Awesome! I F*cking shot that! (Beastie Boys doc)
-American Movie (funniest doc I have ever seen...a true comedy of errors)
-Fog Of War(a candid interview with Robert McNamara)
-Zeigest(debunking the myths of religion,9/11 and the World Bank)
-Loose Change(see above:9/11 much more in depth)
-The Wind that shakes the barley(great movie about the british occupation of Ireland)
-Layercake(in recent memory, I would say best "mob" movie)
-Bus 174(doc on the tragic bus hijacking in Rio De Janeiro)

Anyways, I have a lot of shit to speak on, but we'll save that for another day. I don't think Hollywood is any worse shape than when I left it. Well I do have one axe to grind...enough with the fucking CGI and cartoon movies. It seems like every celebrity, and washed up celebrity is doing the voice of a heartbroken frog, an audacious cat,a forgiving zebra, a confused flying squirrel, a lovable puma,etc...etc.Just stop it ok. You CGI folks and the animal kingdom can take 5 cause I am tired of turning on the TV and seeing an ad for some stupid fucking ant (with Ian Ziering doing the voice) who has to fight his way from the backyard and overcoming his fear of the lawnmower, to make it to the patio so he and his ant friends can steal the evil Ms.Huggin's (with Rhea Pearlman doing the voice) jello mold. We get it ok? Shit, we got it back in '89 when the ant fought the scorpion in Honey, I shrunk the kids....but I guess history always repeats itself.

Anyways, that trend doesn't look like it's going to change any time soon. Fuck hopefully they run out of animals.

We'll talk soon...we got a lot of catching up to do ;)